


give up and get on with the life that's good

by oh_la_fraise



Series: drum it all away [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, discussions of past serious illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:59:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8503396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_la_fraise/pseuds/oh_la_fraise
Summary: Alec knows the second he sees the tapes—the top one carefully labeled in shaky penmanship "for when you fall in love again"—exactly what they are.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is an excerpt from Casino Game that didn't quite fit in the main story but I still liked. If you're not familiar with Casino Game, basically it's a 50/50 AU where Magnus gets cancer and then he gets better. Title is from Hoops by The Rubens, which I guarantee will get stuck in your head if you listen to it.

It’s one area that they disagree on: Alec is a firm proponent of the Winston Bishop philosophy of _Saturdays are for sleeping,_ while Magnus has never met a brunch he didn’t like.When Alec stretches and slowly opens his eyes, he quickly realizes his only bed companion is Church.He’s not surprised; ever since Dr. Hwang cleared Magnus for drinking again, Magnus had been on a bender to rival his wildest college days.Alec doesn’t mind; he knows the novelty would wear off soon enough.

So when Alec digs around for a pair of sweatpants in Magnus’s drawer (Laundry is Magnus’s chore, damn it, and Alec isn’t going to give in even if he doesn’t have any clean pants left) and sees a box buried at the bottom of the drawer, he’s by himself.  Alec knows the second he sees the tapes—the top one carefully labeled in shaky penmanship _for when you fall in love again—_ exactly what they are.  But he still has to watch.

~

_I almost didn’t hit the guy that called me a fag the night we met.I wanted to see what’d you do.I know it’s not very civilized, but seeing you righteously angry gets me all hot and bothered._

_~_

Even though Alec knew, he’d still been hoping for something else.Anything else. Some cheesy rom com, a remnant of Magnus’s attempts at doing theater. 

But Alec knows Magnus too well for that.

Alec knows Magnus at every stage in his cancer, can pinpoint when each video was taken based on the missing patches of Magnus’s hair or how big the circles under his eyes are.But every video starts the same: _Hi, my love._

_~_

_You have to take care of Church, okay?I know he hisses at you and he peed in your shoe that one time, but if there’s anyone on this planet I love more than you it’s the cat._

_~_

Alec’s phone buzzes once, twice; he hears it distantly from where he’s huddled on the living room floor.It has to be Magnus, wanting to know if Alec wants takeout from the cafe.Magnus will assume he’s still asleep and bring him an omelette, because that’s the kind of person Magnus is. 

_~_

_I’ve always loved hearing your stories about visiting your grandmother in Amadora growing up.If. . .If I get better, I’d love to go with you to see the house she lived in._

_~_

The door opens.“Alec?”Magnus calls.He walks through the kitchen, and stops, frozen, when he sees what Alec is watching.Alec can smell the egg and cheese and peppers wafting from the bag Magnus is holding.

“You weren’t supposed to ever see those,” Magnus says quietly.“Not while I’m still alive, anyway.”

~

_You’re asleep in the living room, right now.I wanted to curl up beside you, but I needed a chance to say this first.My surgery is tomorrow, and I don’t want to leave anything unsaid._

_~_

Alec sometimes wonders if this isn’t all a hallucination.If in reality, the chemo didn’t work, or Magnus died on the operating table, or that he’d never been lucky enough to know Magnus Bane at all.That the feel of Magnus’s short hair, slowly growing back in, under Alec’s fingers, or the rough edges of the healing scar on his back weren’t all merely Alec’s brain trying to save him from himself. 

_~_

_You’ll be happy again one day, I know it.You’re too special not to be.Don’t let my memory get in the way of that._

_~_

_“_ Izzy helped me,” Magnus admits.His back is to the TV; partially to keep Alec from seeing the screen, but also, Alec thinks, to keep from having to see himself in the video, sick and gaunt.“While you were at work.I wanted. . .I wanted to be selfish, I guess, and make sure you wouldn’t forget me.I hoped they’d help if anything happened.”

~

_You’ll be okay, I promise.I love you._

~

_How could you think I would forget you?How could you think I could ever love anyone else?_

Instead, Alec says, “let’s go to Portugal.For our honeymoon. And you really need to do the fucking laundry.”

**Author's Note:**

> Join me on tumblr at ohlafraise.tumblr.com.


End file.
